She Never Shuts Up Normally
by Argyle.S
Summary: Near the end of sixth year, Ron discovers Ginny is more observant than he thought, and she's not all that happy with what she sees. Ron's POV. Pairing: Trio, Unrequited Harry/Ginny. Third in the Pink Elephant's Series.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter and all associated characters, places, spells etc. belong to J. K. Rowling. I am just borrowing them for a use I'm rather sure she wouldn't approve of. No money is being made.

Warnings: Light Bondage, Sex Toy Porn, Mild Exhibitionism. Trio!Smut

CYA Statement: It should probably go without saying, but just to cover my own arse, don't try the fire trick at home.

* * *

"Where's your girlfriend?"

"I didn't know I had one, but if you find her, could you send her round? I could use a good snog." What was I suppose to say? Somehow, I don't think "Down in an empty classroom near the library having a bit of how's your father with Harry" would have gone over very well.

Ginny snorted. It wasn't a sign of amusement.

"What's going on with you and Hermione?"

I looked up from my Potions essay. Ginny had been dropping not so subtle hints about me and Hermione hooking up since fourth year. Honestly, I would have loved to say 'Well, if you'd leave me alone so I could finish this, we'll probably manage a quick shag in the prefect's bathroom before Quidditch practice.' Unfortunately, my life is never that easy.

"Nothing as far as I know, but I suppose I could ask Hermione if you're... wait, no. I just remembered, it's none of your business."

"Oh, that's nice."

"No, it's rude. Nice is me not telling you to mind your own sodding business."

"Fine."

Note to self. Never hack off the best chaser on the team right before practice. Madam Pomfrey was an hour sorting out that broken nose.

When I got back from my bath after a completely undeserved detention with Snape, the common room was empty, except for Harry. I dropped into the couch next to him and closed my eyes.

"Tell me something, mate."

"Sure," Harry said.

"You remember when we use to here all those stories from sixth and seventh years about how they were shagging all over the castle every night?"

"Yeah."

"Well why the sodding hell haven't I been able to get any for two bloody weeks?"

Harry, complete wanker that he was, laughed at my pain. Not, considering just how much of that I'd been doing in the last two weeks, I was in any position to criticize anyone for being a wanker.

"It's not bleeding funny."

"I'm sorry."

Bastard didn't sound even the slightest bit sorry.

"Sure you are. You're not the one doing without."

"One of the drawbacks of being a Weasley. You should have been a next door neighbor, like Fred and George."

You know, at that exact moment, I would have gladly shoved my prefect badge when I really wanted to shove my knob.

"I don't see Hermione suffering either."

"That's because Hermione has finished her homework from now until after we finish NEWT's."

"You're not helping."

"No, but this will," he said, pulling his invisibility cloak out from under the seat cushion. "Behind the mirror on the fourth floor. She told me to tell you she's wearing the red ones."

I barely managed to avoid shouting. I did the next best thing. I grabbed him and kissed him.

"You want to come?"

He shook his head. "I'd love to but I think she wants a bit of time alone with you. Besides, we've got all next of weekend."

I kissed him again.

"Thank you."

"Go on. Off with you."

Fred and George told Harry the secret passage behind the mirror on the fourth floor had caved in. Of course, Fred and George never tell the whole story. The cave in started a good fifteen meters back, and the passageway was at least five meters wide.

Based on the large squishy couch the horde of butter bear and the fact that the vase on the side table always has a dozen fresh roses in it, I'd bet Galleons that Fred and George used it as a snogging spot.

Harry and I had ducked in one night looking for a quick place to snog. Hermione had made some additions since then. New wooden support beams reinforced the ceiling, and the cave in was canceled behind a false wall which left enough space for all three of use to hide behind. She's also used some of the stones from the collapsed ceiling to build a fireplace where she'd conjured an ever-burning bluebell flame.

Of course, that night I didn't care about any of that.

When I swung the mirror open and ducked inside Hermione looked up from the book she was reading and smiled. I tried not to let the fact that she was pointing her wand at me spoil the moment.

"Harry sends his love," I told her as I pulled off the cloak.

It was a subtle signal. One we'd worked out after reports of polyjuice impersonation hit the prophet a few weeks earlier.

"He already had his turn."

I smiled as she lowered her wand.

"Really," I said, "what do he do with his turn."

"You really want to know?" she asked.

"Definitely."

She sat her book down on the side table next to the flower vase and slipped her wand into the pocket of her robe.

"Well, you know how draining his Occlumency lessons are."

I nodded.

"Poor Harry was all done in," she said as she stood up.

I swallowed. I was suddenly hard as a rock, because I know exactly what she was about to say.

"He was ever so tense."

Okay, maybe not exactly.

"So I pulled him into our classroom..."

She was just inches away from me.

"...so I got down on my knees..."

She was pulling my head down.

"...and let him come in my mouth."

Then her lips met mine and she pushed her tongue into my mouth.

I know it's not possible, I know she'd gone to meet Harry at the same time I'd gone to my detention, but as she kissed me, I swear I could taste Harry on her.

Which was probably the entire point, because by the time the kiss was over, I was so turned on I could barely stand up.

She stepped back and pulled open her robe.

I whimpered. Harry told me she'd be wearing the red ones, but I'd expected them to be under her uniform. Instead, I watched dry mouthed as she shrugged off her robe and stood in front of me dressed in a wine red lace bra and knickers.

"God you're beautiful."

She blushed just a bit and kissed me again.

"Thank you."

"You deserve it," I said before I stole another kiss. She'd gotten the underwear by owl order, along with a black and a green set, about a month earlier and while she still wasn't shy about what she wanted, I reckon she wasn't quite prepared for just how much either of us appreciated seeing her in them. I think it took while for it to sink in that she was beautiful.

Of course, I also reckon she wasn't quite prepared to have to deal with two horny teenage boys after her body, but she would never admit that.

I broke the kiss when she started tugging at my robe. I reached up to help her but she slapped my hands.

"No," she said. I groaned. In the three months we'd been together, I'd learned enough about Hermione's moods to know what I was in for. If she wouldn't let me help, she was in the mood to tease.

She pulled off my tie and draped it around her neck, then she unbuttoned my shirt. She flashed me an impish grin before she leaned down and flicked her tongue over one of my nipples. I gasped, then moaned as she sucked it into her moan. I was vaguely aware of her working open my trousers while she was at it. Then she let go and went down on her knees. She took off my shoes and socks, then reached up and pulled down my trousers and pants with a rough jerk. I must have made some kind of noise because she laughed a little before giving a tug at the trousers around my ankles. I stepped out of them and she tossed them aside.

Then she leaned forward and ran the tip of her tongue along the underside of my cock. I know I made noise that time. She responded by wrapping her hand around me and rubbing the whole length of her tongue over this sensitive little spot she'd found weeks earlier. I nearly lost my balance.

She stood up, holding her wand, and conjured an chair.

"Sit down."

One thing about being Hermione's boyfriend was that I'd finally learned that it was best if I just did as I was told. I dropped into the chair. She smiled and pushed my legs apart and tied them to the legs with an incarcero charm. Then she pulled my tie from around her neck and used it to fasten my wrists behind me.

Of course, I'd never imply that my Hermione is a bit of a control freak. Not where she can hear me anyway.

She sat down on the couch flicked her wand at me. The chair slid forward until it was so close to the couch our knees were almost touching.

"You'll want a good view of course," she said as she slipped her hand between the cushions to pull out a polished stick about the length of a short wand, and a little thicker than a broom handle. She touched the tip of her wand to one end of the stick and said "inflamaria infinitus." The end of the stick burst into a bright blue flame. She smiled at me and cast another spell. "Flamma congelo." The flame freezing charm.

She sat her wand aside and took the burning stick in her right hand. She touched the flame to the inside of her left wrist and drew it slowly up her arm to her shoulder, then back down to her wrist. When she reached her wrist, instead of starting up again like I expected, she leaned forward and touched the flame to my nipple.

They tell you in charms that the flame freezing charm takes all the heat out of a flame and you should only feel a pleasant tickling sensation. Until that moment, I'd never actually touched a frozen flame. It was more like a dozen tiny little tongues running over my nipple.

Hermione, never satisfied to tease when she could torment, ran the flame down under my cock, letting the flames engulf it and my testicles.

"Oh God," was all I was coherent enough to say. She laughed, low and throaty, as she took the flame away.

When I looked at her again, she touched the flame to her left shoulder and ran it slowly up and over her neck, then down to the swell of her breast. I pulled at my restraints as she reached between her breasts to unhook the clasp of her bra. She pushed the cup holding her left breast aside and circled her nipple with the flame, getting closer each time she went around. She closed her eyes and moaned when the flame finally touched her nipple.

I could only watch as she pulled the cup away from her right breast and started teasing it with the flame. She bit her lip and moaned as she ran the flame over her nipple.

"You like that, don't you?" she asked.

"You have to ask?"

She laughed and opened her eyes to look at me.

"I love you," she said.

"I love you, too."

She sat the burning stick on the side table, careful to not let the flame touch the wood. Once that was done, she finished taking the bra off, then stood up and slipped out of her knickers.

"Like what you see?" she asked, a bit of blush creeping into her cheeks.

I nodded. "God, yes. You're beautiful."

She smiled and bent down to kiss me. It was the kind of kiss that made me go weak in the knees. She tangled her hand in my hair and thrust her tongue in and out of my mouth. I was moaning and writhing even before she wrapped her hand around my cock and squeezed, and I swore for the thousandth time since Christmas I would never say another bad word about Hermione's reading habits.

I whimpered when she pulled away. She ignored it and picked up her wand.

"You'll want a good view for this," she said. She sent the chair sliding back a bit with a wave of her wand. When it stopped, I could see the whole length of the couch without turning my head. She lay down on the couch and put down her wand within easy reach, then picked up the burning stick. I watched, wide eyed as she spread her legs, putting her left foot on the floor and hooking her right ankle over the back of the couch.

She closed her eyes and pressed the flame against her neck and started running it over her body. She ran it over her neck and shoulder then down over her left breast. She moaned as she teased the nipple before moving over to her right breast. She spent time going back and forth, moaning and arching up into the flame, before she moved the flame lower, going slowly over her stomach and skirting the patch of curls before running it up the inside of right thigh to her knee, then back down and along the inside of her left thigh.

I'd seen Hermione get herself off before. The night we lost our virginity was the first, and a few times at Grimmauld place during the Christmas hols the three of us had just watched each other have a good wank. She liked to do it when she watched Harry and I shag.

It had never been like this before. Never been so brazen and premeditated. Except, I could tell from the way she moved that she'd done this before. I could tell from the way she teased herself, trailing the flame around her cunt without actually touching it. I could tell from the way her muscles trembled in excitement. I could tell from the sounds she made. I could tell from the way she raised her hips in anticipation as she finally slipped the flame between her legs.

Her moans got louder and she started to writhe as she stroked the flame up and down the length of her cunt and over her clit. She muttered something and the flame engulfed the entire stick. She ran the tip up to her clit one more time, then back down, only this time, when she reached her entrance, she tilted the stick and slipped it inside.

Her head was thrown back, her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth open as she thrust it inside her. The flames seemed to grow so they covered her clit and the mass of bushy curls.

"Oh God," she said, "oh God yes. Fuck me. Just like that Ron, just like that."

I still say some of the things that come out of her mouth should be illegal. I don't know if she did it on purpose or not, but I was sitting there, watching her get herself off while imagining her up in her dorm room, fucking herself and calling for me. I was so close to coming I think if she'd breathed on me I'd have gone off.

Then she came. It was a beautiful thing to watch. It always is. Her face flushed and her ragged breathing stopped and every muscle clenched and for a moment she just lay there like that. Then she broke. She let out a ragged, broken scream as her body shook and her hands trembled.

I watched as she slipped the fire stick out and picked up her wand.

"Finite Incantatem."

The fire vanished and she rested the stick and her wand between her breasts. After her breathing slowed back down, she stretched in a way that was eerily reminiscent of Crookshanks having a good stretch is a sunny patch under one of the Common Room windows. She looked at me and smiled.

Without saying a word, she got up and sat the stick back on the side table, then walked over to the back of the mirror that hid the entrance to the secret passageway and tapped it with her wand.

"Perspicuss."

The back of the mirror turned invisible. She turned around just far enough to point her wand at me.

"Solvo vinculum."

The ropes around my legs fell away and my tie unknotted itself. Hermione turned around, leaned forward putting one hand on either side of the mirror, and spread her legs.

I stood up carefully. I wanted her terribly, but I was half afraid I'm come just walking across the room. Hermione, clever girl that she is, had planned ahead.

"Under the side table."

I walked over to the side table and spotted a familiar black bag under it. I picked it up and tugged it open. Inside there was a bottle of lube potion, Hermione's birth control potion, a package of gloves, a box of something that looked like it came from her parents office, and two boxes of condoms.

"The red box."

I looked at the red box of condoms. The label said Priapus Prophylactuc's Unbreakable All Night Self Lubricating Self Sanitizing Extra Endurance Wizarding Prophylactics.

Told you she was a clever girl. I took one out and rolled it on. It wasn't as much fun as letting her do it, but at the same time, it kept me from coming all over myself, so I suppose it was a far tradeoff. Instead of the blue glow I'd gotten use to with the regular ones, this one glowed red.

I looked up at her and she was smiling at me over her shoulder. She gave her hips a little wiggle.

I really didn't need any more prompting.

I walked over to her and cupped her arse in my hands, kneading it gently before slipping my hands down to grip her hips. She arched forward a bit so I could get in more easily, but it wasn't quite enough.

"Can you get a little higher?" Sometimes I really hated being quite so tall.

She nodded and moved her legs together.

"Bit more."

She looked over her shoulder, then up at me.

"Put it in my arse then."

On the other hand, height has advantages.

I nodded and pressed myself against her arse. Before I could do anything she pushed back, taking me in.

Never a very patient one, our Hermione.

She made an urgent little noise and started rolling her hips. I started to stop her, but then I realized that the condom was doing its job. I could feel her, and it was fantastic, but I didn't feel even remotely close to coming, so I started meeting her thrusts. It took a bit to find a rhythm, but not as much as it use to.

Being in Hermione's arse is something totally different. It's not that it's any tighter, if you can believe it she does some kind of exercises she claims keep her muscles tight, it's that she reacts differently. She never takes it slow, never teases. She just demands, more, harder, faster.

That night was no different.

I wrapped my arms around her and took her right breast in my left hand, squeezing and kneading it roughly and I fucked her while I slipped my right hand down and found her clit. I stroked her in time to the motion of her hips, and her demands died away, replaced by the muttering under her breath she always did when she let one of us have her this way. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but I'd learned better than to ask.

She didn't give me much warning.

"Oh God, oh Fuck."

And then she came.

I felt a slight tingling run up my cock and suddenly the urgency was back, stronger than before. All I could to was bury myself in her as I came.

"Oh, God, I love you," I said.

She covered my left hand with hers and laced our fingers together.

"I love you, too."

Sometimes I hated Hogwarts. Actually, every night when I had to climb into bed alone I hated Hogwarts and every morning when I woke up in bed alone I hated Hogwarts. The time in between, I just thought of Hogwarts as a great big nuisance that I had to put up with for a little bit more than a year.

And if Ginny had waited until after breakfast, I would have been in "big nuisance" mode instead of "I hate Hogwarts" mode.

"Where were you last night?"

I turned around. She was standing at the foot of the stairs to the girls dorm.

"I had detention with Snape."

"And after that?"

"I took a bath and went to bed."

"Whose bed?"

"Mine, not that it's any of your sodding business if it wasn't."

"Pig."

"Where?" I asked, looking around for the little pest.

"No, Ron, you're a pig."

"What are you on about?"

"Do you know where your girlfriend is?"

"I don't have a girlfriend."

"Oh, I suppose you were out shagging Hermione because she's your best mate then."

I was sorely tempted to say 'No, that's why I shag Harry,' but I'd promised I'd keep my mouth shut.

"Ginny, for once in your life, mind your own business."

"It is my business if you're going to around shagging a great slag like her."

Until that moment, I hadn't done accidental magic for eight years. I'd even managed to avoid it when dealing with Malfoy. I suppose it was the shock of hearing Ginny of all people call Hermione a slag. All I know is one minute, she was standing there and the next, she was on her hands and knees vomiting slugs all over the common room floor.

I conjured a bucket and put it under her, then vanished the slugs.

"Can you walk?"

She looked up at me and the first thing I noticed was the tears.

"She's fucking him," she managed, before she retched again.

"Who?"

"Harry."

Retch.

"I've seen them at it."

Retch.

"Twice a week..."

Retch.

"... when she goes down to..."

Retch.

"...to meet him-"

"At Dumbledore's office," I finished.

She just vomited up a few more slugs.

This was bad. Very, very bad.

"You're late Mr. Weasley," McGonagall said.

"Sorry Professor. I had to take my sister up to the hospital wing."

"I see. Take your seat then."

I sat down next to Hermione. She gave me a questioning look. I just shook my head and turned back to listen to McGonagall.

It wasn't much of a lesson. I already knew human anatomy from when we did healing charms first term and McGonagall was lecturing on that in preparation for human transfiguration when the new term started after the Easter hols. For once, I was grateful for her thoroughness. It gave me time to think.

I wasn't all that happy with what I came up with. I'd managed to curse Ginny, and I knew from experience just how awful that one was. Second, Ginny knew about me and Hermione. Third, she knew about Harry and Hermione. Fourth, she'd drawn entirely the wrong conclusion. Fifth, no matter what happened, someone was about to get hurt.

The day couldn't possibly get any worse.

"Mr. Weasley, a moment."

I don't think I've ever been so grateful to McGonagall in my life. I left Harry and Hermione standing at the door and headed back towards her desk. If I was lucky, maybe she'd let Filch hang me from the rafters in the dungeon.

"What happened to Ms. Weasley?"

"Icursedher."

"What was that Mr. Weasley?"

"I cursed her, Professor."

"I see.

"It was an accident. I didn't even have my wand out. I just..." I sighed, "We were arguing, just a brother sister thing really, and I lost my temper."

"You've lost your temper before, Mr. Weasley, and I don't seem to recall any incidents of accidental magic. In fact, the school is heavily warded to prevent accidental magic except in the most extreme circumstances."

"I didn't mean to curse her Professor."

"Perhaps, Mr. Weasley, you should tell me what she said that provoked such an extreme reaction."

"No."

"No, Mr. Weasley?"

"That right."

"Are you aware that I could remove you from the Quidditch team, take your prefect badge, or even expel you for putting a fellow student in the hospital, Mr. Weasley?"

"Yes, Professor, but I still won't tell you what she said."

"Was it really that bad?"

"It's just a misunderstanding. I'll sort it as soon as she's out of the hospital."

"Very well, Mr. Weasley, however, I'm afraid I'll have to inform your mother about this incident."

"What?"

Remember when I said the day couldn't possibly get any worse? Was I wrong or what?

"Mr. Weasley, need I remind you that you are now of age?"

"No, Professor."

"You have, unintentionally or not, assaulted a minor Mr. Weasley. By all rights, I should be informing the Department of Magical Law enforcement."

"Bloody hell."

"Language, Mr. Weasley. There is a longstanding Hogwarts policy, one I happen to agree with, that it is best to keep these matters in house. Most especially when they occur between siblings. However, I trust I have made my point about the severity of your actions."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Go on, then," McGonagall said, "I expect you have a bit of explaining to do."

I turned and looked at Harry and Hermione.

"I don't suppose you could give me detention could you? Say, right now."

"I believe you'll find that I could."

"Thank you," I said, relief washing over me.

"You'll serve your detention with Ms. Granger. You'll inform her in full of why you have done and why you've done it."

I turned back around and looked at her.

"Couldn't you just let Filch whip me?"

Now, wait for the punch line, because it's a doozy.

"Mr. Weasley, do you seriously expect me to let you off easy?"

"What was all that about?" Harry asked as headed to Charms.

"She was asking why Ginny was in the hospital wing."

"I'd say that's a rather good question," Hermione said

I sighed. No more putting it off.

"We got into a fight. I ended up hitting her with the Slug belching curse I tried to use on Malfoy second year."

"RON!" Hermione screamed. Scared the dickens out of a group of second years, not that the cheeky little buggers didn't deserve it.

"It was an accident, okay. I didn't even have my wand out."

"You did accidental magic in Hogwarts?"

"Yeah."

"But..." her eyes got very big, "What were you fighting about?"

I looked around to make sure no one was listening. The second years were gone and the hallway deserted.

"She, um... Oh hell, she knows where we were last night."

"Oh," Hermione said. "That's not good."

"It gets better."

I turned to Harry.

"She knows what you were doing while I was in detention."

"Uh..."

I shook my head. "Problem is, that's all she knows."

"It is? Then she must..." Hermione stopped dead. "She said something about me, didn't she?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Ronald Weasley, how can you say that?"

"Look, Hermione, I'm already due for a howler from mum over breakfast tomorrow. I don't need one from you too."

"Well, I'm sorry, but this does matter. She's your sister and she's one of my best friends and-"

"AND right now, you need to stay away from her Hermione. She's upset. She thinks you've been..." I double checked to make sure we were still alone, "She thinks you've been sneaking around with Harry behind my back." I turned to Harry. "She didn't sound to thrilled with you either mate," I looked at Hermione again, "so I think the best thing to do would be to give her some time to calm down, which will give us some time to figure out how I'm going to straighten this mess out."

"How you're going to straighten this out?" Hermione snapped. "I don't see you being accused of being a slag."

"No, but she's my sister."

"Yes, and you put her in the hospital wing with that awful curse. I'm sure she'll listen to you after that."

"Hermione," I said, trying desperately to keep the situation from spinning out of control, "you're acting like it's the first time I've ever accidentally hexed her."

"It's not?"

"Of course not. The first time I ever did magic I turned her blue."

"What?" Harry asked.

"Well, she said she was going to hold her breath till she turned blue if I didn't share my Martin Miggs action figure, so I turned her blue."

"You think this is funny," Hermione said.

"Well, it was a bit funny seeing her turn blue, but..."

That was exactly the wrong thing to say. Hermione turned and stormed off in a huff.

"Bugger."

Harry sighed and shook his head. "I wish."

Hermione didn't talk to us at all during charms. Or lunch. Or double potions.

Actually, it was the longest she'd gone without talking to us since I had that little mishap with the invisibility spell and her shirt first term.

"I know what you're thinking," I said as we headed for Defense.

"Really? That's a first."

Is it any wonder she gets along with her cat so well? Honestly.

"You should just leave it along Hermione. I'll sort it out."

"Oh, yes, because you have such a way with girls."

"Ginny's not a girl, she's my sister."

In retrospect, I probably should have phrased that differently. Even Harry winced.

"Oh, that's just perfect isn't it? She's your sister, so you can just pretend it doesn't matter that she's upset-"

"I never said-"

"No, of course you didn't, but that's what you meant."

"No, it's not."

"Well, go on then. What did you mean?"

"I meant that she's my sister. We've rowed before. You just have to let her calm down."

"That's your solution to everything, isn't it? Ignore it and it will go away." She stomped her foot. That's never a good sign. "Well, she's my friend. I'm not going to just sit here while she's upset."

"Hermione, she's upset with you."

"Oh, well spotted, Ron."

"No, you don't get it. Ginny is upset with you."

"You're repeating yourself."

I turned to Harry. "Help me out here."

Harry shook his head. "No way. You're on your own."

"Thanks a lot."

"Leave him out of this," Hermione said.

"Well, maybe if you to had been a bit more careful, there wouldn't be a 'this' to leave him out of."

Okay, that was unfair. Ginny's a sneaking little runt when she wants to be.

"We were careful!" they both shouted.

"Not careful enough."

"Fine," Hermione said, "maybe I'll just quit sneaking around altogether."

"What," Harry said. "I didn't do anything."

Oh come on, even I wasn't thick enough to walk into that one.

"Oh, so that's all I am to you?"

"Huh?"

Poor Harry. At least I earned the silent treatment. He got in and sheer thickness.

"I'm going to go straighten this out."

"Hermione, don't. You'll only make things worse."

"No, I won't."

That's when I did something stupid, even for me.

"Fine," I said. "Go on. If you're so clever, go and fix it."

"Fine, I will." She turned and stormed off in the direction of the hospital wing.

"That was just brilliant, Ron," Harry said.

Can you feel the love? No, wait, that's sarcasm.

"Oh sod off, you great twat."

Defense was just lovely really. Harry didn't speak to me, and Hermione didn't show up at all. That meant, of course, that she had gone up in the hospital wing trying to fix things.

If I knew my sister, and I have four different scars to prove I do, that should have lasted ten minutes. Five if she hadn't stopped vomiting up slugs. The fact that Hermione had never shown up for defense wasn't a good sign. It meant, either that Ginny had gotten to her wand before Madam Pomfrey could break things up, or Hermione was really upset.

"Let's check the great hall and see if she went straight to dinner."

Harry didn't say anything, but he did follow me.

People were just starting to trickle in for dinner, so it took about five seconds to figure out Hermione wasn't there. Unfortunately, it was about five seconds to long.

"Looking for your little mudblood slag?"

I turned around slowly, wand drawn.

"Shove off Malfoy."

"Hit a sore spot, eh Weasley? It must be humiliating finding out you're just getting Potter's sloppy seconds."

For the first time in my life, I was of two minds about Malfoy. Part of me, the largest part, wanted to hex him, and keep hexing him until I was sure he'd never get out of Saint Mungos. I could do it, too. But there was this small little voice in the back of my head that kept telling me Hermione needed me right now, and if I got into it with Malfoy, I'd end up in McGonagall's office.

I'd let Hermione down at in the Department of Mysteries. I'd be damned if I was going to do it again.

"Just sod off already Malfoy."

"Don't you get it, Weasel? Half the school knows Granger's shagging Potter behind your back."

"Yeah, pull the other one Ferret boy."

He didn't like that much. Turned right red in the face.

"Fine. Don't believe me. But your sister announced it to the entire hospital wing, just before she gave the little slag a black eye."

Oh. Not good.

"Oi. You gonna block the door all day?"

You know, I'd never been so happy to see Seamus in my entire life.

"Actually Seamus, we were trying to leave, but Draco here just couldn't stop telling us how much he wanted in Lavender's robes."

I knew I'd pay for it later, but I did get the best of both worlds. Malfoy ended up in the hospital wing partially transfigured into a banana slug while Harry and I slipped out to find Hermione.

"Where should we start looking?"

"The kitchens," I said.

"Ron, she's not going to go to the kitchens."

"No, but she is going to want food, and she isn't going to want the entire school to see her with a black eye."

"Right."

Fifteen minutes later, we left the kitchens with a basket loaded with cinnamon scones, treacle tart, steak and kidney pie and a flagon of pumpkin juice courtesy of Dobby and a bottle of brandy, courtesy of a set of the twins old lock picks and the staff liquor cabinet.

"So now where to?" Harry asked.

"Where does Hermione go when she's upset?"

Harry thought about it for a second, then asked, "The Library?"

"Honestly, you're as bad as she is," I said. "Hermione goes to the library to relax. When she's upset, if she wants to talk about it, but doesn't want to talk about it to us, she goes to Hagrid's."

"And if she doesn't want to talk about it?"

"Well, that's the question, isn't it? Usually, she goes to her dorm."

"We can't get up there."

"You don't say. Besides, she'll want to avoid Lavender and Parvati."

"Um, the pitch."

"No, that's where I go when I'm upset."

"Room of Requirement."

I snorted. "To many people go there to snog or to shag these days." I shook my head. "She'll go someplace that's connected to us, which only leaves two choices. The classroom where you found the mirror is closer to the hospital wing, but the secret passageway is more comfortable, and more private. She'll go there."

Harry gave me a funny look and asked, "When did you get so good at this stuff."

I shrugged. "I've lived with the two of you for six years. I can be a bit thick but I've seen watches less predictable than you two."

"Thanks Ron."

"I knew you were going to say that."

"Prat," we said at the exact same time.

To anyone else, it might have seemed normal, just a couple of blokes sharing a laugh in the hallway. To us, it was as close to an apology as either of us ever really get with each other.

After we finished laughing, I knew Harry and I were okay. It's the way most of our arguments end. A joke, a laugh and the whole thing is forgotten. Drives Hermione spar, it does. She always wants us to talk about our feelings.

Right then, we had more important things to do, like find her and make her talk about her feelings.

"Go away."

"If you didn't want us here, you would have used a better locking spell than colloportus."

"He's got a point you know," Harry said.

Hermione, our sweet, innocent little Hermione removed on of the hands covering her face and raised two fingers in a rather rude gesture. It warmed my heart to know we'd been such a positive influence on her.

I conjured a coffee table and set the basket of door on it, than set down beside her on the couch. Harry set down on the other side.

"Let me see," I said, taking her wrists in my hands. She struggled a bit, but finally let me pull her hands away.

Harry winced. So did I.

"Bloody Hell Hermione. What did you say to her?"

"I told her the truth."

I thought about it for a minute. Ginny convinced Hermione was sneaking around with Harry behind my back. Hermione showing up and telling her that not only wasn't it behind my back, but sometimes I was there, and sometimes I shagged Harry without her around. Math was never my best subject, but I knew that didn't add up unless...

"Madam Pomfrey confiscated her wand, huh?"

Hermione just nodded. I reached into my pocket and took out my wand.

"I reckon you got lucky then. The truth is usually worth at least an Anthill Curse."

"There's no such curse," Hermione muttered indignantly.

"Vigoratus Detrimentum," I said, touching the tip of my wand to the swollen flesh holding her left eye shut.

"There is. That's just not its proper name. It's actually called 'The Creeping Death of Ten Thousand Bites' or something, only in Egyptian. Bill taught it to her when we were in Egypt. You get covered with these big red ants that bite. It's just like stepping in an anthill."

The swelling had gone away completely, though the color was taking a bit longer. I dug in my pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. I carefully wiped the tears off her face then offered it to her.

"Here you go."

She took it and blew her nose.

"So what happened?"

"I went to try to explain."

I nodded.

"It was awful. She wouldn't see me at first, and Madam Pomfrey tried to send me away, but I pushed past her and walked up to Ginny. She told me to go away. I told her we needed to talk. She..." her voice cracked, "she said she didn't have anything to say to a 'cheap slag who would sleep with her boyfriend's best mate.'"

"We heard about that part," Harry said.

I made a mental note to comfort Hermione by myself from then on.

"What?" she asked hysterically.

"Draco told us about that and about the black eye," Harry said, ever so helpfully.

Hermione buried her face in her hands and started sobbing. I added another mental note. This one involved force feeding Harry Fever Fudge made without Essence of Murtlap. A few boils would do him quite nicely.

I just held her and stroked her back and let her cry for a while.

Okay, so maybe I did a bit of glaring at Harry while I waited.

It took her maybe half an hour to cry herself out again. She'd always been a bit too worried about what other people thought about her. Truthfully, we all did. It was actually one of the few areas where Harry was ahead of the game. He seemed to have grasped that some opinions count a lot more than others.

"Hermione?"

"Yeah?"

"You feel like telling us the rest?"

She slipped her arms around me and rested her head on my shoulder. I did my best not to notice that she was using my shoulder as a handkerchief.

"It was horrible."

Harry earned a pass on the Fever Fudge when her rested a hand on her back. She seemed to relax a bit more.

"I told her told her I wasn't sleeping with Harry behind your back. She called me a liar and said she'd seen me. So, I told her I was sleeping with Harry, but you knew about it. She said... um... she said I was full of..."

Oh sure, she can swear like a Weasley when we're shagging, but when she's telling me why my sister punched her, she worries about language. I love Hermione.

"Skip it. We get the idea."

She nodded.

"I told her it was true and that you and Harry were lovers too."

"Bet that went down a treat."

"She didn't say anything, so I told her all three of us were together. She..."

Hermione trailed off, and I could feel a few sobs against my shoulder. I just squeezed her tightly and waited. Harry slid closer and wrapped his arms around her too. That seemed to do the trick.

"She called me a whore. A filthy, lying whore. She reached for her wand, but Madam Pomfrey summoned it..."

"So she hit you?"

"Yeah. Madam Pomfrey tried to stop me, but I thought I should just leave."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh Ron, I can't stand it. Ginny and I've been friends for years."

"It'll be okay Hermione," Harry said. About time he gave me some help. Unfortunately, it was the wrong thing to say.

"Okay? How is it going to be okay?" She shoved me away and turned on Harry.

"Tell me exactly how this is going to be okay? One of my best friends called me a whore and hit me! Half the school thinks I'm dating Ron and sleeping with you! Just how is this going to be alright?"

New rule. Harry is no longer allowed to comfort Hermione.

"Hermione."

"What?" she said, turning on me.

"We love you."

Harry, for once in his life, was fast on the uptake.

"He's right. We love you. Both of us."

"And I don't care what anybody says, I'm not going anywhere."

"But-"

"Anyone Hermione. Not my sister, not my mother..."

I could here Lee Jordon in my head. 'And another fantastic save by Weasley!'

"...not the whole bleeding school."

"You mean it?"

"Of course. So does Harry."

"Absolutely."

Savior of the wizarding world, yes, brave enough to risk making Hermione cry, not bloody likely.

Of course that didn't mean he wasn't thinking about it. I could here him now. 'It'll be easier if I just get out of the way.' I was tempted to take him outside and give him a black eye. That, or send him up to talk to Ginny.

Unfortunately, Hermione was on the verge of tears again, so Harry's martyr complex would have to wait. I pulled her into a hug.

No one even suggested going back to Gryffindor that night.

I'm not sure how long I slept. I remember Hermione taking a bit of brandy with her dinner without even a word of protest. I remember transfiguring the sofa into a bed not to long after we ate. I remember holding Hermione a for a long time after she drifted off.

I was woken up by something tugging on my shirt. I opened my eyes to find Hermione fumbling with the buttons. I reached up and covered her hands with one of mine. She looked up at me, startled and I saw everything I needed to know in her eyes. It was the same look she had the first time she came into my and Harry's room and Grimmauld place. Desperation mixed with terror.

I remembered what she said to Harry that night in the Shrieking Shack. '...I'm scared to death that you and Ron are going to wake up one day and decide you've had enough of me...'

I leaned forward and kissed her. It was slow and deep and she clung to me the whole time. I slipped a hand under her skirt and gave her arse a squeeze. She moaned. She moaned louder when I slipped my fingers between her legs and rubbed the crotch of her knickers.

I felt Harry stir so slid my hand around to her front and found her clit through the cotton. The moan she made must have clued Harry into what was going on, because a moment later he was pulling her hair aside so he could kiss her neck. He felt the back of his hand brush my chest as he kneaded her breast. I broke off the kiss.

"What do you want Hermione."

"Inside me," she said, "both of you inside me."

Harry and I groaned at that. I let go of her and started shucking my clothes, so did Harry, and for a moment, we were just ordinary teenagers, fumbling to get out of our clothes for a shag.

I don't remember who laughed first. Maybe it was Harry, laughing at me standing beside the bed in just a sock and a tie, hoping up and down on one foot as I tried to get the sock off. Maybe it was Hermione laughing at Harry trying to figure out why he couldn't get his trousers past his right foot. Maybe it was me laughing at the words 'Can I Ride Your Broomstick?' written across the back of Hermione's knickers.

It's funny the places you can find comfort. Like Hermione reaching out and pulling my sock off, or in reaching up Harry's trouser leg and slipping his shoe off, or in Harry looking through Hermione's bag for the bag of condoms. Not just in the touches and caresses that followed but in the little things we did for each other because we love each other.

There wasn't any doubt about the arrangement. Harry's smaller than I am. It always worked better with him in back, and while Hermione liked to switch it up a bit, that night wasn't about excitement or athletics. I took the bag from Harry and dug two condoms out of the red box, the same ones I'd used the night before. I tore one open and rolled it on, then tore the other one open and kissed Harry while I slipped it on him. Then I lay down.

Hermione lowered herself onto me. She was hot and wet and tight and it felt heavenly and it didn't matter. Not nearly as much as the weight of her on top of me or the feel of her in my arms or the way she clung to me. I slipped my hands down and kneaded her arse a bit before I spread it open for Harry. Hermione moaned as he slid into her. So did I. I could feel it, like his cock was sliding over mine.

I let Harry do the work. He would thrust into her and it would push her up off on me, then she would sink back down on me as he pulled out. It felt amazing to me, the way I could feel his cock grinding over mine. I can only imagine what it must have felt like for her.

He went slowly while I held her. She rested her head on my shoulder and held onto me tightly, enjoying the deliciously slow pace. She wasn't quiet though. She moaned and whimpered with each thrust.

It seemed to go on forever. The slow friction and the dead sexy sound of her enjoying herself drove me mad, and only the charms on the condom kept me from coming, but I could tell by the sheen of sweat, the volume of her cries and the way her fingernails were starting to dig into my shoulders she was getting to the point where she needed more.

I looked up into Harry's eyes.

"Faster."

Hermione moaned at just the word.

"God yes," she said.

Harry picked it up. He started going full out, and if I thought it had been incredible before, this was indescribable. I've had Harry fuck me like that. I could almost feel him slamming inside me with each thrust, and the way we ground together, separated only by a thing wall and both wrapped up in Hermione.

Hermione's nails dug deeper into my shoulders and I could here her muttering to herself. He breath got more and more ragged until it finally caught in her throat. She went ridged on top of me, and Harry's next thrust pushed her over the edge. She came, shuddering and screaming in my arms.

And I'd forgotten about the damn charm on the condoms. I buried my face against her neck as I was hit by the full force of what we'd been doing. Harry got it just as bad. I could feel him jerking and twitching and hear him screaming while I was coming.

Light as they are, I couldn't take both of them collapsed on top of me for very long. Before the afterglow had even worn off, we ended up back on our sides, Hermione tucked in tightly between us.

It didn't take long before I was asleep again.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked.

"Ginny will be out of the hospital in a bit. If I hurry, I can catch her before she gets back to the common room and head off any more damage." I nodded at Hermione. "She still asleep?"

Harry looked down to make sure, then nodded. "Yeah."

"Good. Don't think you and I are done."

"Huh?"

"Oh come off it Harry. I know you better than that, and if she weren't so upset, she would have already called you on it."

"What are you talking about?"

"The bit where you dump us to 'make it easier' for us."

Harry suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"I wasn't-"

"Bullocks. Of course you were. It's what you do. Right annoying it is."

"It would be-"

"Harry."

"Yeah?"

"I don't care if you're the boy who lived. I don't care how much I love you. You break Hermione's heart and you won't have to worry about Voldemort."

God, he looked so sexy when he pouted.

"We love you mate. Both of us. Sod what anybody else thinks."

"But what about your parents."

"Oh, they'll come around. Mind you, Mum will be in a right state when she figures out you aren't going to marry Ginny and she has to pick out a new bloke, but I won't be the first Billius Weasley to take to blokes."

I finished tying my tie, walked over and planted a nice long kiss on his lips.

"Seriously mate, we've put up with gossip before."

He nodded. I kissed him again.

"Stay here. Have another shag if you can talk her into it."

Which is about as hard as talking me into eating chocolate.

"Just, whatever you do, stay away from Gryffindor until eleven."

Harry laughed. That was a good sign.

"You think you five hours is enough to calm her down?"

"Probably. I mean, she's already hit someone, so that should cut a good three hours off. It all depends on how bad she smashed up the hospital wing after Hermione left."

I didn't think for a minute that I'd convinced him. Harry was do damn stubborn for his own good. Unfortunately, I had to deal with Ginny before things got completely out of control.

"RONALD BILLIUS WEASLEY HOW DARE YOU CURSE YOUR SISTER! I THOUGHT I BROUGHT YOU UP BETTER THAN THAT! IF YOU THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SEVENTEEN YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, YOU'RE SORELY MISTAKEN AND IF YOU CAST SO MUCH AS CHEERING CHARM ON YOUR SISTER AGAIN, YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU WERE EVER BORN!"

"Damn it Pig, you're suppose to deliver mail to the Great Hall."

"Oh sure. First you tell him he's suppose to bring mail straight to you, then you tell him he's suppose to take it to the Great Hall. I don't get why he puts up with you."

I looked up and Ginny was standing about five steps above me on the stairs leading to the hospital wing.

"Hey."

She snorted. "What are you doing here."

"I came up to see you."

"You're still wearing the same clothes as yesterday."

I shrugged. "How going you tell?"

"There's a stain on the collar of your shirt."

"Oh."

So far, it was going horribly wrong. I figured it might be best to go somewhere where there was less chance of being overheard.

"Can we-"

"Go somewhere private?"

"Yeah. Sounds about right."

"The pitch is deserted this time of morning."

"Let's get our brooms then."

We'd been flying hard for over an hour when Ginny finally landed. I put down next her.

"Is it true?" she asked.

"Yeah."

It's a shame Hogwarts doesn't have an interhouse boxing cup. With a left hook like that, Gryffindor would be a shoe in.

"Feel better?" I asked.

"No."

"How's your hand?"

She looked down and the split knuckles and the rapidly forming band of dark purple.

"Broken, I think."

I raised my wand. She shrugged and held out her hand.

"Paro Effrego."

She winced as the bones set themselves.

"Resarcio Viscus."

Her hand gave a warm glow, then the split knuckles closed and the bruise started to fade.

"What about your eye?"

"I'll get Hermione to see to it. I'm pretty good on other people, but my healing charms never work on me."

I conjured a bench. Ginny took one look at it and started laughing. It was a fantastic sound, and when I looked at the bench, I laughed too. The seat was made of two mismatched boards, one obviously much newer than they other, though still well worn. One of the legs had been broken and mended and the bench had obviously been reinforced. All the work had been done with great care. It was the skill that was a bit lacking.

It would have fit right in at the Burrow.

I sat down and patted the bench. The laughter on her face died as she sat down.

"I suppose that's why you stopped giving me such a hard time about Dean then?"

"No. I just..."

What happened with Dean on Halloween morning wasn't really something I wanted to talk about. The whole thing was still a sore spot for most of the sixth year boys. It just about ended his and Seamus' friendship.

"Dean's a right decent bloke. I was so busy worrying about what was best for you, I forgot that. I felt bad when you two split up."

She shrugged. "That was months after you quit giving us trouble."

"You never told me what happened."

"You mean he didn't?"

"Dean's not the kind of bloke who'd kiss and tell."

She shrugged. "He's had a thing for Parvati since first year. I had a thing for someone else too. Truthfully, we were just..."

"Settling?"

"Yeah. Dean's nice, but there's as far as it ever went."

I nodded. "So, who is it you fancy then?"

I knew that look. That's Ginny's 'Ron Weasley, you are the dumbest git on the face of the Earth' look.

"Oh," I said. "Hermione said... She said you'd given up on him."

She snorted. "Yeah, the same way you gave up on Hermione when Krum came along." She closed her eyes and groaned. "God, I'm so stupid."

"It's not stupid Ginny."

"Isn't it? You know, first year I was so jealous of Hermione. I... Bloody hell Ron, I told Tom all about her. About how she was always with Harry and how she was so much smarter than everyone else and how she didn't have to come to school in second hand robes and all her books were new and not marked in and she was so pretty, even with her teeth and her hair and how you never paid any attention to me anymore because you spent all your time with her too."

"I hated her. She had my brother and she had the boy I had a crush on and she wasn't poor and she could talk to Harry without sticking her elbow in the butter dish and I hated her for it and God Ron, all I could think of when she was petrified was that maybe Harry would finally notice me."

I slipped my arm around her and hugged her tightly.

"I was so happy when you finally noticed Hermione. I thought it was perfect. You and she would get together, and I'd have a clear shot at Harry, once he wised up a bit."

"Then why'd you tell Hermione you'd given up on Harry?"

"She saw me with Michael, and I didn't think 'Gee Hermione, I thought I'd play the field a bit until Harry wakes up and realizes what a great dunderhead he's been for the past few years' would go over well."

"Then during the Christmas hols Hermione started sneaking out of our room and I thought she was going to meet you somewhere. Then I saw the two of you sneaking out of the Library one night in January and your shirt was untucked..."

"And you figured you finally had your shot at Harry, so you dumped Dean."

"Actually, he dumped me. Parvati had just broken up with Zacharais Smith."

"Do I need to hex him for you?"

She snorted. "Sure you wouldn't rather shag him. You seem to have a thing for steeling my blokes."

I laughed and shook my head. "He'd probably be less trouble, but I promise you, any other boyfriend you have is safe."

"Sure, after you take the best of the lot."

"Why do I feel like we're nine years old fighting over who gets which sandwich at lunch again?"

"Because you always took the best one then, too."

I sighed.

"I didn't mean for it to happen you know?"

"What, you just accidentally shagged Harry."

"Yeah, pretty much."

She smacked me for that one. "I'm not stupid you know."

"I know, but we honestly didn't mean for it to happen."

"What did happen?"

"Well, this is going to sound really weird, but it's Snape's fault."

Ginny straightened up and looked at me.

"Maybe you should conjure me another bucket."

"It's not like that!"

I wondered if I needed a bucket too.

"It was over Christmas. The night Hermione hit him."

"Oh. I didn't realize that was the first time she snuck out."

"You were a little drunk."

"You noticed?"

"Yeah. I think Bill might have too."

She nodded. "He yelled for an hour straight."

"Serves you right for not sharing."

She laughed.

"Hermione came into our room that night. I never bothered to ask how much of it was planned. She may have just meant to sleep, but one thing led to another and-"

"No details," Ginny said.

"I wasn't going to give you any. Harry and I came-"

"I said no details!"

"Er... bad choice of words. We got together a little later and it was kind of an accident."

"I wish you'd told me."

"Oh, yeah. I can see it now. 'Morning Ginny. Can you pass the pumpkin juice? I buggered Harry last night. Is there any bacon left?"

She smacked me again.

"You're worse than Charlie."

"Oh please. Charlie's full of it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. There isn't enough room to shag in the coat closet in the staff room."

Ginny buried her face in her hands. "I did NOT need to know that."

I laughed. "Ginny, I already told you about the time Harry and I hid in that closet."

"You did?"

"Yeah. It was the afternoon you were... um..."

"Oh! The Chamber. Right."

"Yeah. We barely fit in there at twelve."

She sighed. "What am I going to say to Hermione."

"'I'm sorry' is probably a good place to start."

"You think that will do it?"

I nodded. "You have no idea how upset she was last night. 'Course, part of that was Harry's fault."

"What did he do?"

"Oh, he told her that someone overheard you yelling at her, and that hall the school thinks she's cheating on me with him."

"Oh God, I forgot."

"Forgot what?"

"Millicent Bulstrode hexed Pansy Parkinson in defense and she came up to the hospital wing to have the tentacles turned back into arms."

"And Parkinson would run right to Malfoy with it."

"Speak of the devil," she said, nodding at something behind me. I turned around and spotted the Slytherine Quidditch team coming onto the pitch.

"Come on."

Ginny picked up our brooms while I vanished the bench, then we headed off the pitch.

Of course, Malfoy just couldn't leave well enough alone.

"Well if it isn't the Weasels."

"How's your Dad Malfoy?"

You know, a purple face actually suits Draco.

"Where'd you get the black eye? You and Potty fight over the mudblood whore of yours?"

Ginny was always a little faster on the draw, but that time, I let her have it, and while Malfoy was trying to get the flying bogies off his face, I cast a little spell of my own.

It takes powerful dark magic to interfere with the charms on a broom. Most of the spells are enough to get you expelled from Hogwarts.

On the other hand, a frictionless charm on the seat of someone's pants is actually a lot more effective than a hurling hex. A lot more embarrassing too, because most people will strip down the broom first. It once took the Ballycastle Bats once lost an entire season before the figured out why their captain couldn't stay on his broom.

Poor Malfoy. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

"What's up with those two?" Dean asked.

I shrugged. "Don't know, mate. They've been like that for hours."

"I heard they had some kind of fight," Dean said.

I prodded my queen forward and watched as she bashed Harry's bishop over the head, which was a lot less obscene than it sounds.

"Yeah. Rowed something terrible. I guess they sorted it out."

Another round of giggles filled the common room. Even Lavender and Parvati exchanged an annoyed look.

"You have any idea, Harry?"

Harry just shook his head. "I've given up on women. Every time I try to talk to one, they end up crying on some other guy's shoulder.

"Thinking of switching teams, eh Harry?" Seamus asked as he dropped down in the chair next to Dean.

"Shut up, Finnigan," Harry, Dean and I said in unison.

"And Finnigan?"

"Yeah Weasley?"

"You're still with Lavender, right?"

"Yeah."

"Good. That's one less bloke I have to worry about."

Seamus looked up at Dean and Dean shrugged.

"Oh, he's cute!" Hermione said, probably a bit louder than she'd meant to.

"Forget it, I'm off Ravenclaws," Ginny said.

Harry prodded his knight forward. I took it with my bishop.

"I didn't even know Granger could giggle," Seamus said as something set them off again.

Harry moved his rook into a position to threaten my king. He smiled at me, triumph written on his face. One more move and he'd have me in check.

"Tough luck, mate," I reached out and gave my rook a tap. In marched up the board and smashed a pawn.

I'd just started to say, "Checkmate" right around the time Ginny said, "I was thinking of asking Zacharias Smith out."

"You know, if you knock over the board every time she mentions a boy-"

"Shut up, Harry."

Dean, Seamus and Harry were all laughing at me.

"Yeah, laugh it up, but let's see how funny you think it is when I do my duty as a Prefect and confiscate your magazine collection."

You know, it's funny. You threaten a man with bodily injury, and it doesn't do a bit of good. Threaten to cut off his supply of porn and he'll do anything you want. If Voldemort really wanted to rule the Wizarding world, he should just buy Bare Witches Magazine.

"Of course I'll loan you the book," Hermione said, "Oh, but I'll have to get it back from Ron first."

Book? Did I have one of Hermione's books? I thought about it for a minute and the only thing I could come up with was one about...

"I'm going over there," I said.

Harry hit me with a leg locker curse before I could even stand up.

"Sorry Ron, but it's for your own good."


End file.
